For Colored Girls!

Afua -- I remember exactly where I was when I heard that the Ntozake Shange's classic for colored girls who have considered suicide/when the rainbow Is enuf was being made into a movie. My first thought was, "Oh Lawd! PLEASE DON'T RUIN IT!" I mean I think I'm still mad about Zora Neale Hurston's Their Eyes Were Watching God. Unlike some of my friends, I was not a reader when I was younger so this was not a book that influenced my youth. Those were the days when I was too stupid to know I was able to save myself in the pages of a book. It would be a book that I found in my 20s only to discover how much I had missed. At least that was my judgment about it at the time.

Welcome to the second chance at love I call it. The second chance to discover the magic of the written word. To get into the head of not only the author but the heads of the characters she or he created. The satisfaction that comes from the progress of turning pages and the sense of accomplishment that results from the book being completed. Once you have enjoyed it, it is passed on to be enjoyed by another person. A gift that keeps giving no matter how many years have passed. It truly is magic to me.

Well, this one has a lot of conversation associated with it don't it? Last year, I remember when I put Precious on my classroom bulletin board as the book of the month. Almost every young lady in my senior Canadian Family class was walking around with book in tow. Although I can't claim to be a fan, I was impressed with READING! Yes, young people do read! I know that we often times think they are so caught up with Facebook, Tweeting, Txting, Sxting, and other pursuits to care less about reading. I mean, 3Dreads and a Baldhead started our "An Evening with....." Literary Series after being inspired by a young woman (Romy Mbuyamba) who was reading Satisfy My Soul by Colin Channer. I've always therefore been struck by why we adults don't take more opportunity to find ways and things to read WITH young people. Not only for ourselves but to share with someone of another generation. Inter-generational reading! Many of us do - Harry Potter, Twilight Series for example.

While hanging out with Itah Sadu, owner of A Different Booklist located in Toronto, I overheard her telling a patron that many young woman like books by E. Lynn Harris, Zane, Eric Jerome Dickey - books some of us would say have an erotica slant that many of us didn't discover until we were in our 30s (I remember the summer of Eric Jerome Dickey's first 5 books when it seemed like every black woman I knew was reading one of them). The person seemed surprised to hear that.

There is a pedagogy that claims READ SOMETHING, ANYTHING is better than NOTHING. Well folks, they are reading!

I therefore see a great opportunity to get the best of many worlds again and with this book. If there is a movie to a book, see movie and read book. If there is a movie to a book that is directed by Tyler Perry, you better see the movie and read the book! If there is a movie to a classic book that is directed by Tyler Perry, you better find a young person see the movie with them and read the book with them! I mean we could complain about how he's off the mark (or not) but that would be a conversation for one generation without the other generation knowing what's up. Sharing prospective is called for! I admit that I don't believe people who haven't read the book would be able to answer the discussion question in the book:

"How does 'dark phrases', the opening poem of for colored girls, evoke the psychological states of the many narrators of the work in these lines.....?"

The solution for me to share a prospective with another young woman so she can get more from the experience and so can I.

The young woman I chose to do this with is Stephanie. She has been a student at my school for 2 and a half years now. She is one of my Fugees. She is from the United States, of Haitian ancestry, and a senior student about to graduate. I am so excited to be doing this with her. We will be blogging our experience together and it starts NOW!

Stephanie -- I'm also looking forward to this opportunity and experience to read and be able to talk about the book. It wasn't until the movie came out and you told me about the book that I found out about it. After hearing your opinion about the movie vs the book I wanted to watch the movie and read the book just to see if the book is really better than the movie.

After having seen the movie and thought that it was the most powerful film I've ever seen therefore if it wasn't anything close to being as good as the book then I just can't wait to read it.

Yesterday( 13/12/2010) was the first day I've felt, received and started reading the book. To begin with it's clear that this is no ordinary book because it's dedicated to us (Black Women) and the way it start isn't like most books. Ntozake Shange starts off the book by telling us how she wrote the stories and how she came up with the characters. This is the first African American play I've read and also first choreopoem book I've read therefore to have this opportunity is destiny playing its role in my life!

I stopped combing my mind so my thoughts would Loc!

Is it possible to have too many ideas? I thought the answer was yes. Especially yes, when my mind could no longer hold them all. They dance in my head like a Zumba class. They appear to me like thought bubbles and just like an MTV Pop Up video, I sometimes can't complete reading the thought bubble before another one pops up and distracts me from the previous one. For the longest time I thought I suffered from some kind of disorder, like some thing was very wrong with me. I mean really, who the hell just comes up with idea after idea after idea? What kinda skill is that? Some thing had to be wrong with me.

Because I thought it was some thing to be 'wrong' about, I tried all kinds of things to make it stop. Maybe if I get drunk enough or high enough, it would stop. But it never did. Then I tried to ignore it. Is it possible to ignore the Closed Captioning while watching a tv show? Exactly! Sometimes it is but sometimes there you are reading the damn tv show. Then I tried to swing the pendulum in the other direction. Maybe if I were just airy fairy, people would only request ideas from me and I would be able to vomit them out one by one like an Ideas Factory. That didn't work because people want ideas to also be implemented, not necessarily the area for the Ideas Generator. Damn!

"I stopped combing my mind so my thoughts would Loc!" Now I can look some where else instead of looking in my mind. My mind is full of tricks and deceptions - a true mindfield. I look therefore to my heart. Looking in my mind for my freedom means that I miss the source of the idea. It's not in my mind, it's in my heart. I comes from my vision for myself and my World. Wicked, so I'm not a freak. I am unique. My mind grows it and my heart feeds it. I am an Ideas Farmer looking for a matching opportunity where my idea can live and grow! Just like the Locs that grow on my head, my ideas continue to grow because my heart is full of love for myself, my communities and all communities! One year my friends set out to count the locs on my head. I've never committed to memory the number they came to but it was a lot. If that's what's happening on the outside, then it is a reflection of the inside but not the inside of my head, it is the inside of my heart. That's why I stopped combing it!

MY Little Peace and Piece of Paradise!

TWEET @ 7am October 1st, 2010: 3yrs ago today! Wow, how time flies. The first time I saw you, I was in love. As soon as you opened your door, I knew I was HOME! Thk you!

October 1st is the day I became a REAL adult, a REAL Canadian. It was a day I never imagined happening but I wanted it to. I love my little house, warts and all. For the past 3yrs, it has brought me much needed peace and refuge from the world. The space always comforts me hugging me like a warm duvet sheltering me and keeping me safe. I've found that spot in the world where whatever ME I choose to be, it's perfectly acceptable - NO JUDGEMENT lives there. Even though you may not end up being my only, I know I will always hold a special place for my 1st love.

I wouldn't trade a moment I've spent with you these last 3yrs. According to the bank, we have many many many more days to spend together. I look forward to discovering more about you as I continue to shape and mold you into the reflection you are of ME!

Happy Birthday to ME and MY HOME!
"Be With What Is"
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The Making of an African-American Family

This past weekend I had the absolutely great experience of the annual Rockrun Family Reunion. The journey from Atlanta meant I visited 5 states in 3 days, taking me through the more historic areas of the South. This provides the backdrop for the weekend's cultural sojourn.

This trip is centred around my friend Susan's family - The Sheltons!

Rockrun Virginia is small town that even the residents would call 'country'. Dotted across its landscape are small houses on large plots of former plantation land which are the historic homes of four generations of powerful people who continue to demonstrate to their children that they come from a rich history - FAMILY!

Rumour has it that African Americans lack two main things: a culture and family cohesion. To believe that would make you truly incorrect. What I experienced in Rockrun has left me feeling the same sense of hope that comes from the rise of a people determined to thrive from their simple country roots.

Tucked in a middle of a state park we listened to classic R&B, ate fillet of Whiting (my personal favourite), corn on the cob, pork chops, cole slaw, potato salad, souce, Rockrun hotdogs, ribs, broccoli casserole, and sweet tea!
I met elders and young adults, some whom traveled from as far as Maryland, to be at the reunion of Rockrun. I watched high school chums reunite, high school sweet-hearts, former teammates, high school rivals all come together to add to the foundation that brings them back year after year.

What these families have established for themselves and their children seems so simple. Maybe because Rockrun is a small town, they grew and expanded as a community that seemingly has managed to do what some observers would claim to be challenging for the black family - maintain a sense of family and community against the odds of other competing forces. Not just families live in Rockrun, successful black families.

Success is a judgment based on an expectation that is not always fair. By whatever means success can be measured, Rockrun is a successful community. I'm sure a few more days would have allowed me a chance to see more than the pretty side. That exists in Rockrun too. I am measuring this community's success by the sights and sounds I experienced this weekend. The adults I met, many of whom attended the dozens of colleges and universities in the area - Winston Salem State, Old Dominion, Virginia Commonwealth, Virginia Tech, John C. Smith, Virginia State, and UNC Greensboro or Charlotte to name a few, have carried Rockrun in their hearts to other ventures that have taken them away. 3 generations of college/university educations! At a time when America is seeking to reform education, pretty impressive.

The children of the children of the children have done well, and on this weekend next year, they will be back again to share their lives with each other. They will bring their children who will continue to bring their children.

In the end, Rockrun is home! Rockrun is where they return every year to reconnect and ground themselves is life's simple overstandings - nothing after all is more important than family, friends and overstanding of where and what you come from. They are from Rockrun and they aint never running away from that!

Big up to The Sheltons! Thank you for being so welcoming such that I could experience a small part of the rich diversity that IS African-American culture. More importantly, too me, it's strong and something to truly be proud of!
"Be With What Is"
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How I Became Guyanese!

How I became Guyanese!
(Speech for the 43rd Anniversary of the Guyana Cultural Association of Montreal)

When I first received the invitation to speak here tonight, I thought to myself, what do I really have to contribute to this event? I can't imagine what I could have to say that people would want to hear as part of a celebration for this organization.

I sat with the idea some more and it came to me. I'm going to talk to you about How I Became Guyanese.

I am the granddaughter of Cyril and Evelyn de Jonge and Randolph and Sarah Joyce Coddett. I am the first born daughter of Randolph Coddett and Yvonne de Jonge, All of New Amsterdam, Guyana. I didn't know my maternal grandparents well, and my paternal Grandfather died before I was born. My paternal grandmother, Joyce Coddett, was the matiarch of our family and the Guyana I knew came in the form of food and arts and crafts. Childhood Saturdays were spent at craft sales all over the city. I remember her saying once that she had made over 1000 black cakes for weddings. The Guyana I knew would become a collection of colourful characters, stories and experiences. That's how I learned to be Guyanese.

My being born here has been said by my friends to only be an accident. I am born out of the greatest generation to have ever left the shores of the Caribbean at a time of Black Power and Black consciousness. A promised land that seduced its dreamers into thinking all would be wonderful for them and their children. All they would have to do is work hard! After all, we know about working hard!

My parent's move to Canada didn't necessarily make it easy for their children to grow up Canadian. I was joking with some American friends just 2 weeks ago about how crazy growing up in Canada really is.

My first challenge growing up in the 1970s was trying to figure out who the hell I was. It was really obvious growing up on a street with only 2 black families that I was black. I was the first black student at my elementary school and I'm sure I still hold the record for the most number of ass whoopin's given in a single recess!

This is the first phase of growing up in Canada as the child of parents from Guyana. And my growing up Canadian of Guyanese parents had some challenges.

3 months before my birth, my parents moved to Ottawa. I guess the Federal govt came knocking and my dad answered. My mother was still a student in those days so my early years were spent between our Jamaican neighbours babysitting and the other foreign students at the university. By the time I was about 10 years old, my parents opened a business in Ottawa. In the early years, that business was a central gathering place - an unofficial community centre. When I think about it, it became my earliest school of Caribbean Understandings!

When I'd return to school on Mondays I was immediately aware that my weekends weren't like other kids. In my house, men cooked unlike the conversations my white friends had about their father's. In my house, anyone over 18 was referred to as Auntie or Uncle and they didn't have to be a brother or sister of your mother or father. In fact, I wouldn't learn the "real" names of some of my father's friends until I was grown so Uncle Snowbees, Uncle Salty, Uncle Jamesy and Aunt Pinkie seemed normal.

This is how I developed the "It was fine" response to the "How was your weekend?" question at work. I knew it wasn't normal to have all of those brothers and sisters!

I was a master of the Guyanese understanding of children are seen and not heard. I learned by watching my sister getting kicked out of the room for "being people mouth", that observation was key. Even the Gibberish my grandmother and mother use to speak could not hold me back from unlocking the secrets of Guyanese Ole Talk! In fact, once I figured out the "whoopon dupon" of Gibberish, they both stopped speaking it.

I was still very young when, in my mind, I had decided that I wanted to have the ability to sit for hours while consuming large amounts alcohol to talk as much nonsense as I had experienced my parents and their friends talking!

That after all has got to be what it means to be Guyanese! Stories about Common entrance exams, Queens College, station masters, backdamn trenches, kite flying, school sports, Mashramani, Christmas time, the Sea Wall, Anti men, Dig and Sniff, Jumbie, marabonta, egg and spoon races, running on grass barefoot, and some of de best cussin' I have ever heard, started dancing in my head!!!!!!!!

I want to be like that! Quote from Shakespeare while at the same as I giving dem Love in a game in dominos.

By the time I was in high school, I had proper fuel for the fire. For the first time, there were other black students at school. I still was different though. Most of those students had come to Canada to rejoin a parent or family they hadn't grown up with. Breaking into that group was going to be tricky. I was a spy though. Born in Canada with the wits of a West Indian!
There were very few Guyanese children at school but what all Caribbean students at Gloucester High school shared with me was how we balanced our worlds. We are supposed to be Canadian but nothing in our day told us what that looked like. Being like the other Caribbean students was a challenge because I didn't have the same experience. My parents would say, "You're Canadian." And I would reply, "No, I'm Guyanese." Then they would say, "You were born here, so you're Canadian!" WHAT A PIECE OF CONFUSION!

On Friday afternoons, when you got home from school, you would hit the door and there would be that all familiar sound <<<shhshshshsh>>> Pressure Cooker! Cook up rice, black puddin, pepper pot, Meta Gee, salt fish, chow mein, sows, rollie pollie. These are things you could not describe to white people.

"Last night we had salfish and bora!"

After 16, I became the designated driver for Friday night adventures with my dad. Those experiences would serve me well later in life when trying to figure out the male psyche.

Slightly more mature, I started a new phase of my understanding - the politics of being Guyanese. I learned about Walter Rodney, Ivan Van Sertima, the Essequibo having 150 islands, the Kaieteur Falls, Cuffy, E.R Braithwaite, Eddy Grant, CCH Pounder, Grace Nichols, Cheddi Jagan and Forbes Burnham, gold and bauxite. I wanted to go to see the place for myself. I had gone before but not as a teenager.

By the time I was a 21 yr old Freshman at Howard University, I was perfectly trained. I was living with my Guyanese cousin, I was a card carrying member of the Caribbean Students Association, and I was honing my skills as a master of Ole Talk!(By the big tree on main campus) I was known to my track and field teammates as the person most likely to find a West Indian and Rice and peas no matter where we traveled.

In my adulthood I have traveled to many parts of the Caribbean and I fashion myself into whatever local behaviour is appropriate. I have yet to explore the country of my parents' birth. I guess I'm not quite ready yet. When I do go, I look forward to helping my parents reconnect to the Guyana of today. The Guyana where 2 of my classmates from Howard returned to start a system of pay phones for Georgetown. A Guyana described on the Discovery Channel as one of the last untouched places for echo-tourism. A Guyana I experienced through my niece who lived there for 5 years. A Guyana that one of my former students traveled to during Carifesta in 2008. She shared nearly 700 pictures of one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen in the world and I have traveled the world. A Guyana that has many challenges but still can generate a proud people who have bent but never been broken. A Guyana that can be held nostalgically but needs to tap into the thinking of another generation.

The Guyana we celebrate this evening.

The Guyana that is in each of US!

Raise your glass! Repeat after me - I AM GUYANESE!

My name is Adrienne Coddett and I am Guyanese!!
Action > Apathy, I am Greater Than Aids
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Summer Equals Festival Time

I remember the winter day I opened up the Globe and Mail only to learn there was a new way to kill people of colour - Vitamin D deficiency. Wow! I thought melanin would protect me for life. Who knew that little gene needs some sunlight.

Well, that makes summer time even more essential and here in the Big O, we got the remedy! I don't think there's a city in the world with more festivals then Ottawa. From Jazz, to Blues, to Garlic to Folk. We've got it all. Beer, Ribs, Greek, Italian, Lebanese, Caribbean, Chinese, Winterludes and Tulips! The list continues.

Nothing says summer though like our music festivals. Die hard fans come to the Jazz and tonight the early act is Trombone Shorty. If you don't know, you better ask somebody. New Orleans in the house! Bringing together the two most beautiful things in the world to make you feel good:: Sun and Music. We they are both vibin' just right, there is nothing better in the world. Add a little of this and a little of that, even better!

So here's to summer and here's to an Ottawa summer. You never cease to amaze!

Shows: Smokey Robinson, Gil Scot Heron, Trombone Shorty, Jimmy Cliff, Arrest Development, Tarmaine Hawkins, Drake!

You better ask somebody. The Big O is where it's at!

Action > Apathy, I am Greater Than Aids
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Righteousness Needs No Reward

These last few weeks have challenged me beyond sense. I felt like I was thrown right back to a time that I would normally describe as the worst years of my life. I'm still struggling to understand certain parts of what is going on with me while being with the fact that there is nothing for me to do except BE!

There must be storm before the calm! In many ways I have lost patience with the process of transformation. The seeds that get planted in that process need the time to germinate and grow. I think the velocity I was moving with previously is now being tested like a final exam before I can move to the next course. Different then that type of test, I don't get an assessment or evaluation that has an already developed rubric. There is no Right or Wrong, there is just the BE of it. How do I know what's right? How do I know what's wrong?

The conversations of the head are powerful distractions that keep me preoccupied with and by the unnecessary. Distract me from noticing and keep me inside of the triggers that are also essential for moving forward.

I wrote in a card for someone else what really is my own truth: Have faith in your trust and trust your faith!

I can no longer afford to think of it in terms of lost and found but more in terms of discovery. Some discoveries are things we already knew but forgot we knew while others represent the revelation that is the fuel to the engine empowering our visions!

I am present to myself as the source of my vision and even when I can't see, I have to rely on my other senses to support the one that is suffering from a diminished capacity because of the stories in my mind.

All I can really say after that is the journey continues. My righteousness will receive no reward except Happiness! That is something I can be happy with.
Action > Apathy, I am Greater Than Aids
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Why Do I Play Phoenix Basketball? - A Converstation with Veterans!

Toshoy Gaza-more.: Why are people telling kids bullshit about our program? One kid said he doesn't want to play phoenix because of the coaches that's where I lost it
** Jun 7 Mon 20:20 **
Afua: No worries! Their minds are poisoned and this program is not for the ordinary or the regular. Racism is real and it's all good! No fight needed. We know what's real.
** Jun 7 Mon 20:24 **
Afua: Why I coach and who I coach is deeper then the game and that's why some folks can't hear the message. Those we impact, are impacted in the place where it's important - LIFE!
** Jun 7 Mon 20:26 **
Afua: Fight the Power. T, those folks are stupid and they get me pissed like that too. Sometimes I don't understand why people can't see ME! But in the end, those who need to see, SEE!
** Jun 7 Mon 20:34 **
Toshoy Gaza-more.: Reality will hit some people in the hardest way when they are old enough realize what's really going on.
** Jun 7 Mon 20:36 **
Afua: I have to store my patience. That's why I want you to come to he Summit. A different space and a different way of being that reminds me every year to live my vision fulfilled. Those folks don't have vision and when challenged there, they are scared of me because I'm a reflection of what they most fear - THEMSELVES. I'm hitting you there and then the 2nd punch is straight to the gut in the form of a 6 foot 7 inch man who aint scared!
** Jun 7 Mon 20:48 **
Toshoy Gaza-more.: I will love to attend the Summit. This is in August right?
** Jun 7 Mon 20:53 **
Afua: Yes!
** Jun 7 Mon 20:56 **
Gary- Stimulas Strategies: Yeh dude I recommend u go to a summit. Big time. Some of the most important steps I had to take seemed easy cuz of being in the summit space!
** Jun 7 Mon 21:01 **
Toshoy Gaza-more.: Alright
** Jun 7 Mon 21:01 **

Afua: Based on our discussion from yesterday, this is why the Phoenix program is important for the people it's important to. Coach Dub and I see the world for the black athlete through a different lens. Although our way isn't the only way, I'm very well aware of what additional drama can be caused by the others. We don't always get it right. We don't always win. We don't always lose. Honest Intention + Sharing Your Vision + Engaging the Right People = Successful Momentum!
** Jun 8 Tue 10:37 **
Toshoy Gaza-more.: Fascinating. That's when you know you have impacted someone's life.
** Jun 8 Tue 10:43 **
Afua: Impacting lives through basketball. Finding your life's purpose through sport. Worked for me and worked for Coach Dub. We merely give some of what we got plus most of what we missed!
** Jun 8 Tue 10:53 **
Afua: Typically, the guys who have dropped out or who can never come are the guys who are most afraid of what we are offering - an opportunity for them to see their authentic selves! That's why this is not for the ordinary or the weak. So go to Guardsman, go the Next Level. We want more then just "players". We want people who will use what they learn here for a lifetime!
** Jun 8 Tue 11:00 **
Gary- Stimulas Strategies: Amen to that...I can and do talk for days about the phx program. And when I do talk about phx basketball is 33%.
** Jun 8 Tue 11:01 **
Bruh: Let's not even get me started bout phx G..
** Jun 8 Tue 11:02 **
Gary- Stimulas Strategies: How about fitting young men with the tools to thrive in academia, thrive in the corporate world, understand the importance of optimizing our contribution to our selves, family, community, and intellectual capacity and leisure?
** Jun 8 Tue 11:03 **
Gary- Stimulas Strategies: It teaches balance, vision, moral ideals and edicts, team work, passion, fundamentally the bare necessities of life.
** Jun 8 Tue 11:34 **

What a difference a year makes!

Happy Cinco De Mayo. Cinco De Mayo 2009 was the day I got my life back. I didn't even know for the longest time that I was being held hostage by my body. It had become so use to functioning at half capacity, in pain, in discomfort for so long I stopped noticing. I even justified all its little aches and pains as just being a sign of age. It was perfect. Explanation worked, no need for further investigation.

I remember when I bought my first car, a Mazda 626. In the early days of owning that vehicle, it was great. After years of neglect, I justified continuing to neglect it because it got me to and from work everyday. There was a stretch where I had even developed a plan for it's break down. I carried a wrench in the glove box in case I broke down. I would simply take my license plates and step away from the vehicle, leaving it wherever, just abandoned. It was all good. I suppose even to treat a car that way is wrong but to treat my body that way was a lot more challenging.

I could no longer function at the pace and routine of a body that feeling like it was at 20% while I acted like it was 100%.

I finally went to the doctor when I could no longer fool myself. When Priscilla came in the examination room with my tests she had that look on her face that makes many not go to the doctor in the first place - a look of deep concern. She leapt into action and I quickly discovered that I had done myself a great injustice by letting my feelings of illness fester for as long as I did.

Ok, I'm sick again. Ok, I'm committing to being well for real. What do I need to do now was what I kept telling myself. I put a lot of work into wellness preparation.

Last year at this exact time, I lay outside operating room #13 perfectly content and happy with my world and ready for alignment of my mind, my spirit and body such that wellness could fully manifest itself. When Dr. Singh said, "Have a good sleep Adrienne", I said to him, "Do good work, I'm important to a lot of people" and I have lots still to do. I was communicating in words the energy I was getting from everyone in my world who provided the motivation for me to release and let go of fear, anger, pain, uncertainty, upset, sorrow, or any other negative energy such that my body could be reborn and step confidently into wellness. I really felt it and I smiled and I closed my eyes. I was right in front of a clock.

When I opened my eyes I smiled and then laughed my way into a new understanding for this new model of body. Not quite the svelte figure of my youth, a few dings here and there, a few rolls but something I could work with. Don't get me wrong, I was in pain but my spirit was happy to feel better and to be able to do more.

Thank you to everyone. It has been a wonderful year. I've been to wonderful places, seen so many new things, had so many new experiences, met some awesome people, gotten know some people that much better. Things that I never could not have done if it weren't for the support you gave to me.

This is also my love letter to my new body. Your not perfect but you're mine and I really like you. You make no apology for not being able to run a 100m in under 12.5 but you can still run a 100m. Your extra roundness provides the proper cushion for showing a young man that he's not quite ready for the NBA and you are the new clay I shape and mold now. You may not be bikini ready but you're not going to make TMZ if you do wear one. You are body beautiful to me and I love your spirit. Go on girl. P90x awaits you. Here's to you - the new ship that rocks this ocean! Holla at a sister when you need something and I'll come running!

Action > Apathy, I am Greater Than Aids
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I'm in a Rut!

I'm in a Rut!
I'm in a rut!
I'm in a rut!

What do you do when you're in a rut?

I tried hiding first. I figured if I just stayed buried deeply in the woman cave, I would get out of my rut. Didn't work.

I tried drowning my rut. All that got me was my belly hanging a little lower over my belt. Oh, lawd! That can't work.

I tried other things and all that did was make me sleepy, eat chips and giggle myself back to sleep. There goes another belt loop. Get your lazy butt out that rut!

I tried to bully myself out of the rut. "Girl, if you don't get yourself out this rut, I'll kick your ass!" Just like my students, I didn't listen to me.

I tried to imagine my way out of the rut. That didn't work cause I got distracted by my rut.

I tried to laugh my way out my rut but then I took a nap because laughing was exhausting.

So, today I've decided to just forget about my rut. Not even think about it and slowly but surely, I'm getting out.

A little battle royal with my Wii gaming system last night, got my big butt moving, which gave me the energy today to declare, "I'm not in a rut no more!"

I've found the bridge that will allow me to cross to the other side of a new possibility. The day is off to a roaring start as a result and I'm learning that I am stronger than my rut, bigger, faster. My rut can not defeat me. So, fuck you rut. Your days here are number - at least for today!

Action > Apathy, I am Greater Than Aids
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Positively captivated

What do you do if you don't care about what you're doing? Either find a way to care, or move quickly on to something else.
 

Life is far too precious to fill it with even a few moments of mediocrity. You have within you the power of passion, so make sure that power is turned on. Go beyond merely observing what's happening in the world around you. Connect with it in a robust and meaningful way. Enormous mountains of value can be yours when you simply choose to resonate with the beauty of that value.

 

Be positively captivated by the possibilities. Truly care about whatever you do and it becomes outstanding. Within your passion there is always another fortune ready to be expressed and achieved. Feel the great, inexhaustible substance that is your purpose. Put it into what you do, and what you do will be magnificent.

 

-- Ralph Marston

Action > Apathy, I am Greater Than Aids
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Life, 140 characters at a time

My desire for writing has become incredibly limited. It seems that my life is a series of 140 characters, tweeted sound bits, capturing the bits and pieces of my life with little in- depth critical analysis.

Maybe that's what life is calling for. I've spent a lot of time analyzing my life so maybe a tweet IS the sum total of what needs to be known and understood about ME and MY adventures.

Writing is what I did to capture the moments in case I forgot them.

Memory is an evil thing sometimes. It tricks me into believing the illusions of the world. Those illusions provide me with great comfort though and the justification for protecting my inside marshmallow core.

I remember how my memory failed me in the Park n Fly coming back from Barbados two weeks ago. I wanted to cry and I was helpless, without opportunity to fix my problem if I couldn't remember. How is the self titled "Opportunities Broker" without opportunity for the fixing of a problem? Good question! That day I had no answer. On the precipice of panic, I just could not remember.

How much else have I forgotten? I know I've forgotten way more than I've ever known but as I enter into the challenges of being over 40, I know what I remember about my life. I am truly blessed for what I've forgotten, for what I remember, for what I've experienced, for what I've seen, for what I've done, for what I've been, for what I've yet to be, for who I was, for who I am, for all I've known, for all who have known me, for all who I have yet to meet.

I hold all of it as just ME!
Action > Apathy, I am Greater Than Aids
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