Black on Black, Jul 9

With each click of the remote, I felt the trauma of the news telling me we've lost another. My mind drifts to all the other things lost in the same moment. I cry in the space of invisible, the pain of my past, my present and my future blur into the reminder this might just be a terrible nightmare. And it's not. It's the sharp pain of how really sick we are getting, our mental states compromised and the echo of our double standard for living is too loud to bare.

"Are all humans human or are some more human then others" 

I hear Romeo Dallaire declare. 

Things seem dark and there is darker still to come. Love's heartbeat is soft, quiet and steady, a pulse that sets us on a new course, a listening for righteousness to set us free. Heard by few it seems at first. Based on the text msgs emails and shout outs, heard by more. It's our time to agitate for this push against Babylon because we shall be free. All of us. The zombies don't get to win. We shall be free. We can Be More then this. We are more then this. My declaration to the World remains the same:

BeMore passionate to DO

BeMore empowered to ACT

BeMore inspired to SEE

BeMore willing to TRANSFORM

BeMore committed to SUPPORT

BeMore open to ACCEPT

BeMore free to GIVE

BeMore ready to RECEIVE

BeMore resourceful to ACHIEVE

BE the STAND to BE MORE……

#BeMoreCommUNITY

Condolences to ALL Who have lost. That's all of us. All power to all people. Peace and Freedom to the World.

"The opposite of Poverty is not Wealth. It's Justice! - Bryan Stevenson 
Sent with Love from my CrackBerry 10 device!

To the student who saved my school year....

Through the strife and struggle, there is nothing to be said,

To the choice who listened with their heart and their head

Although at times it sounded like an echo very loud,

I'm overjoyed and proud my voice was heard and its sound has fallen on fertile ground.

For that, I will be forever grateful as it is rescue for my heart and head too. 

Miss C 

"In end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."

Last week I almost caught a case up in this bitch. It was at times a collision of helpless moments that had no clear way to dodge past the madness. I was left to absorb all the energy with little to no outlet to manage my own trauma about it. Although there's a part of me that has become incredibly adapted to the trauma, the sadness is really for the aspect of myself that can never seemingly break free of the traumas. I felt that piece of myself die and no one can hear me screaming. I cried for the Adrienne HS student who felt the same way almost as hard as I cried for the Adrienne educator version. 

Based on the many conversations I attempted to have so I could be clear of the energy, nothing can replace what has been taken especially when the wounds rarely seem apparent to anyone other than me. I realize with great sadness, this profession "lost me" a long time ago and I didn't consciously want to admit my own death had already happened. I was hanging on for the kids. It has been an almost complete death by low expectations and I realize how low they are because my own are now so low, they are practically invisible. I spend time plotting and planning for my 'Emancipation date' like I'm at a Juneteenth picnic while hoping a better offer will free me even earlier. I daydream about things being different - an acknowledgment of my skills and sacrifice versus the exploitation of them only when someone else needs something. "Czar of Black youth" for a school district that cared enough to really tackle de-colonizing education for the benefit of ALL.  

The anger is overwhelming while it bumps up next to all of the things I'm not allowed to be in my work environment - assertive, smart, ambitious, advocate for a perspective that is invisible normally, respected for what I contribute and who I am in this space.

I guess the true sadness is for the institution itself and the reality it has always held - "I'VE GOT TO EDUCATE MYSELF." Like going to a doctor to be told you have cancer and then the doctor asks you, "What are you going to do to treat it?" The silence of the people around me is the straw breaking the back of the possibility. It's a microcosm of what goes on in the world. To fight it from multiple fronts is exhausting. Not even a conversation in a social setting can be free of the madness of the supremacy and privilege some other people hold in ignoring it. To the point, unsolicited advice is delivered with a dismissive quality that tells me, once again, this Zombie can not be killed except by a shot to the Head.  

My death in this career is nearly complete. Like hoards of others, whatever it's ‎been will fade into the memory of time. I will lick my wounds as usual and find a way to walk through the gauntlet that awaits me, again! The essence of who I am had been baptized through the fire and I remain solid in the over standings my contribution has been to those who care to see it. In the bizarrest of ways, it has made me who I am, at least this version of me, an additional double standard on top of the others. We're just in disagreement about what it took to get here.  

"IF YOU DIDNT LEARN ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE ME IN SCHOOL. YOU DON'T INTERACT WITH PEOPLE LIKE ME IN LIFE. YA SURE DON'T GET TO TELL ME ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE ME."

AFUA CHRONICLES - Alex Trebek Distinguished Speakers Series, Leymah Gbowee

"Imagine how many invisible walls we've built up around ourselves that have led to wars." - #‎LeymahGbowee 

"Every time you act on a stereotype, you build a wall between you and the person who is the object of your stereotype." #‎LeymahGbowee

"The bullet doesn't know a Christian from a Muslim." -#‎LeymahGbowee

"Today the challenge is ours, to tear down the walls..." in order to work for Peace #‎LeymahGbowee

"It is possible to tear down walls. It is possible to build Peace. It is possible to make our world brighter & better place." #‎LeymahGbowee

"I have been a refugee and I know what it feels like to not be welcome to be part of the community." #‎LeymahGbowee

WHS student steps to the mic "Who was your inspiration?" #‎LeymahGbowee, responds, "Every day women who didn't have the same chance as me."

Tonight was great and not only because I met Leymah Gbowee. It was great because I was able to bring 7 young woman from my classes. Watching them be inspired made every thing it takes to stand in #‎Room216 worth it! Thank you Denise and Sarah for helping me make that happen for those young women. They will never forget this and neither will I. Total Awesome Sauce kinda day!

AFUA Chronicles - Zombie of My Week

And the week moves on like all of the rest.  It starts always with Reluctant Mondays.  By Tuesday, reluctance turns into duty.  By Wednesday, duty becomes a pattern of praying to reach Friday.  Thursdays are officially "Sleepwalk Day" with a heavy dose of "Lawrd, I hope I make it to Friday".  Fridays are straight coma, act on survival instinct that says, "Don't get got today so you can get outta here"!  RESET Saturday/Sunday. Repeat the above.

If I think consciously about the week, I'm frequent struck by how quickly the week gets to Thursday which by above definition is really my Friday.  I even like to "go hard" on a Thursday night because come to work blurry on a Friday works when every one's thrown out their chute since Thursday anyway.  

When all the weekdays add up to school years which then translate into a career -- all just measurements of time lost.  It's been a journey with benefits all while enduring the torture of regularity, predictability, and repetition.  If this feeling is the discomfort created to keep me conscious to being prepared to do something else - IT'S WORKING! Some days it doesn't even seem to make sense to give effort to a world set up like this.  The comfort of it literally means death therefore the discomfort might provide LIFE to a new opportunity for my time.......