"I cry for Me!"

Yesterday, after anticipating it for most of this year every time he was required to enter the hospital, NELSON MANDELA Made his transition after 95 years of life in this form. 

"I cry for myself. The struggles we faced before today in a world that included you makes me scared for a world without you. Can I be as strong as you? Can I be as fearless and clear in my goals? Can I face the crazy with even an ounce of your humility? Can I face down hate with LOVE like you? I cry for Me and I SING that you are free!"

It was 5 pm and I was in deep sleep during my afternoon nap. My spirit woke me out of sleeping unconsciousness so I could get conscious to President Obama giving his remarks. I have to say it was quite awesome to watch the 1st Black President of the United States eulogize the 1st Black President of South Africa (representing two things I said would never happen in my lifetime). He said something about him being a figure for the ages. Perfection!  

After that I remember being overwhelmed by sadness. If the world filled with Racism and Hate, White Supremacy and White Privilege was like that with him, what are we going to do without him?  Will he become like the long list of other 'iconic' figures - MLK Jr, Malcolm X, Rosa Parks, Medgar Evers, Toussaint L'Ouverture, Viola Desmond, Matthew Decosta etc - that history depicts as sanitized versions of themselves, trotted out as examples by the white elite for why the status quo should continue to be accepted. Examples used to fool us into thinking "racism is over", so why can't the rest of you get your act together?  For me that flies in the face of why they are 'iconic' figures in the first place. And at the same time, I'm clear that HISTORIC AMNESIA should have a pill that can fix it.  

A great example for why my fear existed in that moment was triggered by a 'slave auction' being used as an activity to engage students in something I can't figure out. Not sure how that would be fun or funny. 

Even as people who were opposed to Mandela originally, express today their sorrow for his passing, I'm challenged at finding and seeing the 'forgiveness' I know people say he would have given them. Not sure even if sitting in a jail cell for 27yrs could allow me to find it. I'm clear about what kind of work I would need to do in order to transform that trigger such that I can be my vision fulfilled. 

Standing in the shadow of what IS Nelson Mandela's legacy and contribution to the world, I add my voice and commit to being in action. Inequity, Injustice, Prejudice, Stop and Frisk, Racial Profiling, Inequity in Education are feed by Racism and a conscious and unconscious desire to maintain a privilege and supremacy that is ending ---> The Storm Is BEFORE the CALM. I can imagine the feelings of others throughout history who also experienced the death of an important individual who would later become 'iconic'. Will the legacy of their work continue to inspire? Do we need to idolize an individual in order for it to continue? Those of us who have been empowwred and inspired, can we put together what we need to move forward and with courage, speak truth to power? 

I cry for ME!

I SING YOU ARE FREE!

I SING TO FREE ME!

"Difficulties break some men but make others"

Standing in that knowledge for myself, I know there is HOPE, even for me....

"I came to accept that I have no right whatsoever to judge others in terms of my own customs."

"Great anger and violence can never bold a nation. We are striving to proceed in a manner and towards a result, which will ensure that ALL our people, both black and white, emerge as victors." 

NELSON MANDELA 

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#BeMoreCommUNITY

TM...I

I came outside and the evening is still,
like nothing is different,
like the world has not been dramatically changed.
Just another day!

I want someone to acknowledge my pain
after all,
it's written all over my face. Maybe the chocolate covering
hides it too deep.

History has shown
I've had this feeling before more times than I care to mention.
Sometimes I acted. Sometimes I didn't.
Each a choice of preservation.

I want my psychology to be free too
AND
what's done does not change the path or direction I'm headed in
a Proactive overstanding.

Maybe others will see the value that comes from
never waiting for terrible to arrive
BUT to celebrate the urgency of NOW!

I can not tweet my way to freedom
BUT I can be my vision fulfilled.
I can #BeMoreCommUnity
Sent with Love from my Crackberry!

Class of 2013

MSG to my Graduating Students:

Sitting in the solitary quiet of my backyard womancave, on a beautiful evening and the first with no marking, I'm reflecting on the semester we've had together, the school year in general and all that is possible for your futures. It has truly been a pleasure teaching you this semester. Growing up in front of students is a joy! Keep seeking the questions you need answered from this world. Continue to be brave about wanting a better world. Stand strong in the overstanding of fairness and justice for ALL. Be a commitment to BE More!

Be more passionate to do.

Be more empowered to act.

Be more inspired to see.

Be more willing to transform.

Be more committed to support.

Be more open to accept.

Be more free to give.

Be more ready to receive.

Be more resourceful to achieve.

Be the stand to Be More…

Community groups getting their own shade of Blues!

It started simply like many opportunities we've been blessed with - a phone call asking to meet at the Bridgehead down the street. Although I had seen his name before, I couldn't quite figure out how his road lead to me until he told me he was married to a former student. Got it. He mapped out his vision for how he could provide community organizations with an opportunity to make some much needed money. I was immediately game. He's the superhero in this story along with his wife and all of the wonderful people over the years that I've met as a result of this power couple. They know how to organize a community.
The Broad Communities Program of the, at the time, Cisco Ottawa Bluesfest provided community organizations with tickets, on consignment, and sponsorship of the World Gospel Jam, the 1st or 2nd Saturday of the two-week long festival. The ticket sold was a 'day-pass' and we would sell the ticket at a discount and keep $10-$15 (depending on the year) of each ticket sold. Additionally, we had vending space the day of the show. From the stage, our group names were mentioned before every act, to give us some interest and attention from the audience. It was beautiful. As an organization that supports youth endeavours, it didn't hurt that in the early years, the artist on the main stage was a major R&B or Hip Hop artist. There would have been no way to support the youth we supported in 2007 to go to the Summit in New Orleans if the main stage that year didn't have Kanye West. For young people selling tickets, they were rock stars with their friends because they had the hot ticket at a great price. The more we sold. The more we made. It was awesome.....
Hmm..Not quite as awesome as you would think. Downside of working with youth - sometimes, they would lose tickets. Sometimes I would lose track of tickets. I remember the year that Aliai first went to South Sudan and I was away too and we couldn't account for like 40 tickets. Heart attack city! I think I might have had the count right once since 2006. When I'm wrong, cuts into the profits...You only hurt yourself. But we'd established a routine about it. We'd come to expect it. The community came to expect us to have the hot ticket. We were even able to start an informal competition with GPM. In the past 3yrs, things have changed dramatically giving the feeling pus must have as it is forced out of a zit.
The best year for the program was, no lie, 2011 when Kirk Franklin came. I'd never seen him perform live and even though I can't tell what he actually does (he don't rap, he don't sing, he don't direct a choir) this brother is a performer. Erykah Badu was on the main stage but it didn't seem to impact his crowd or show. When she was finished, the crowd from there came over to the gospel stage. All stages were finished and Kirk Franklin still had a packed audience. I stood there as if in a trance. I've never been a fan of gospel but each of those Saturdays over the years, I've stood out there with those communities and I got it. Praise through music is powerful. That night with Kirk Franklin I too caught the musical spirit and couldn't resist dancing with reckless abandon. A full surrender to the power of the praise. It was actually wonderful. I left the park that day anxious to see what they would do to top that for the next year!
Well, this is the part of the story where things start to get a little murky and downright ugly to straight up rassery!
For some reason that I'm still looking for, last year, we were given an impossible task when in the wisdom of the Bluesfest committee, someone decided to put an all white Christian Contemporary artist lineup (not hating) - the new direction - which was a challenge to sell to the communities we have influence in. Also, the main stage had Metallica. Go ahead, knock me for pointing out the stereotype. Not my issue. Music is music. Someone else created genres. But please show me directly to that extra special niche of black people who are Metallica fans and I would have been happy to sell them a ticket. Shoot, forget that, I couldn't sell gospel to people who like gospel. It was tragic as I sat here in my backyard, a week away from the event and I'd only sold 4 tickets.
The other kick in the crotch was our partnership with One Match, the Bone Marrow Registry. We are committed then and now to promoting the message of need for people of African descent to get on the registry. You can imagine the meeting we had months before where we told them about the droves of black people who come out to the park that day which is why they should partner with us to do a huge Swab Event - to identify people for the registry.
Well oh my sugars! Day of the show, not a black person. I said: "oh, it's still early!". Even had student volunteers. And there we stood. And we waited. And waited. And waited. As no one came! Although we were able to peak the interests of many people, the target audience that we had watched fill the park since 2006, didn't come!
Whatever created the madness, I was convinced after THAT HOT MESS, they would come to some economic sense about WT* bees goin' on!
Alas, my cynical nature got the better of me in the moment and always. A flashback of every night club in this city that made their reputation on the backs of black patrons to only dash dem wah when the club got hype. Or a radio station claiming an urban format but has to stop using 'urban' because it can't get any major sponsors. Or a Republican party who, in the words of my friend Peri would cut off ears and noses if Obama proposed legislation about glasses. You know, that kinda stuff! The stuff that makes go Hmmm?!??! Why would this be what you do after a successful year, guaranteeing failure? Unless, you intend to use the failure of last year as the reasoning for why your not doing it this year!
Nah, that can't be the answer....After all, that would be kind of predictable. Too easy to do without anyone noticing. It's not like we ever received a thank you for what we did right and well or even some guidance for what we did wrong. But each year since 2006, we hyped up communities about what was going down for the World Gospel Jam. I got to support in my capacity as Executive Opportunities Broker for 3Dreads and a Baldhead while also being able to interview some of the world's best gospel artists as a cost-host of Black on Black. I guess in the end, I'm sad that not even the effort I give to live the double consciousness of being invisible in this city, not even that will be enough to be seen. "The wall is not going to move" - Coach Cee, Ottawa Phoenix Basketball. The wall may not be willing or able to move but I am. Progress IS a MUST and not even some foolishness like will stop any of us. We are working hard to #BeMoreCommUnity. Is ya comin' or is ya aint?


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#BeMoreCommUnity

These smiles were brought to you by Noticing and Oprah?

My Sheroes
Rochelle and Tshanda

It was an ordinary day that had me roaming the halls looking for a purpose for my extra time.  Clearly, there was something that I was suppose to be doing but wasn't.  I ran into a colleague who shared what some elementary teachers call a "Sunshine Story" that too rarely in high school, we don't get to exchange.  I listened to a story of how a young woman was working really hard and she was finally experiencing the 'fruits of her labour'.  At that point, it was just information.  I walked back upstairs to check emails. I noticed one with the subject line: "Know any Oprah fans?"  Well I think it took me about 1.8 seconds to figure out what was going on.  That email was coming from a long time friend who works at our local newspaper.  She's either doing a story or ......When I read the email, she was looking for what comes after or.....

"I've been given two tickets to see Oprah at Scotiabank Place on Wednesday evening. I'd like to take someone who is going to be very excited to see Oprah in person, and who perhaps couldn't afford a ticket on her own. Maybe it's a young woman who sees Oprah as a role model, or an older woman who admires her shows."

For anyone who is an Executive Opportunities Broker of a community organization, this is like volleyball.  Someone served it up so I just have to spike.  I'm SURE I can think of someone!  Back and forth we went until the next morning - day of the show - when I woke up to an email that said, "Ticket acquired and I'm looking to see if I can get another one!"  By noon, two.  Well there was a student sitting in front of me when I got the news so I asked her: "Hay, you wanna see Oprah tonight?"  Response, "Ya not serious Miss. Who just sits there and asks someone that?" Ha!  I do!  And then I left the room to set up a surprise for the original person I was thinking of.  

If you have ever been in a HS school at lunch hour, it's sometimes hard to find a student. Announcements were made by multiple people, I asked classmates, other educators, other colleagues.  The hunt was on.  It was about to be perfect because as soon as she stepped back into the school, she became to receive the multiple messages that I was looking for her.  What is a student to conclude?  "I'm in trouble!"  So I might not actually be someone they will want to find.  Perfect!  When she did find me, I told her that I had to have a serious conversation with her.  That it was really important.  That we had to have in the office and her guidance counsellor had to join us.  When we got the office, a very nervous young lady, surrounded by several staff members: "I heard a rumour (smh) that you have been working really hard and some great things are happening for you as a result.  I believe that anyone who works hard, should be rewarded.  How would like to see Oprah tonight?"  

No words can do justice to her reaction.  She screamed, cried and then hugged everyone for several minutes!

Here's my best effort to capture what occurred for me:

"I can hardly function today I'm so high. Yesterday may have been the BEST day in recent memory in this building. I've been feeling so defeated watching everyday while this world chooses to treat the lives of black people like they have no value. I watch every day as black youth have their spirits snatched away because someone else decided something for their lives. I notice how easy it is to put on my rose-coloured glass, to close my eyes because I feel overwhelmed by the work. The one thing that saves me every day - a commitment I made to myself when I sat in a room in 2002 and I embraced and surrendered my life to the conversation of the International Black Summit. The journey to me...is the most important one I walk. As a result, I can not ignore the little black girl or little black boy in me, who longs for someone to just notice! I am the one to do it and I do it for me! I am my vision fulfilled. I am who I've been waiting for. I am empowerment through laughter! It doesn't matter how many times I screw this up, moments like yesterday remind what I've sometimes heard repeated by addicts of all kinds: "Your always chasing that first high." When you feel the high of seeing the world open up for a young adult, there is no better feeling like it. 

 I will chase that high for the rest of my life even if someone said, I can't ever have it again.  My vision is my drug!"

I didn't need to see Oprah that night.  I saw Rochelle and Tshanda and as a result I saw me.  On the way to the show, we laughed, we talked about how Oprah and Madame CJ Walker are linked.  We were happy!  They shared with the poem Oprah shared in gratitude for what they experienced.  Others shared it with me too but the message I got from them is that they NOTICED and knew that poem was for me.  A gift I can never repay except to be my vision fulfilled!

Love After Love

by Derek Walcott

The time will come

when, with elation 

you will greet yourself arriving 

at your own door, in your own mirror 

and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat. 

You will love again the stranger who was your self.

Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart 

to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored 

for another, who knows you by heart. 

Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes, 

peel your own image from the mirror. 

Sit. 

Feast on your life.

International Day for the Elimination of Racism - a day to take very seriously! (Did you?)

Some people forgot! Racism is like Climate Change/Global Warming....REAL and we're in denial about both! Racism is not a troll under a bridge waiting for you to cross so it can jump out and jack you (Toure)... Oh no! It's woven into the every day life. It's deeply institutional and it is a form of bullying. Everyday for those who experience, choices are removed, sometimes without them even knowing. To have to tell my children that they have to be twice as good to be seen as good, IS A DOUBLE STANDARD (Coates). To be told by a parent that you already have 2 strikes - "you're black and a woman" - is A DOUBLE STANDARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF ya don't know, have an authentic dialogue, without the guilt, with a person who LIVES it. It oppresses us all!

Sent with Love from the Crackberry of a Solutionary!

International Black Summit, Ottawa Aug 1-4, 2013

#BeMoreCommUnity