Friday, August 17, 2012

Lessons in Trigger: The Journey to Ottawa 2013! pt1

Edwin Devaughn
I just got home yesterday.  What a trip!  From Birmingham I went to Atlanta to hang out for a few days.  It was on my maiden voyage on the Megabus when we got the news that Edwin Devaughn made his transition earlier that day.  His service was last Saturday so me, Quita, Henny, and Tamara drove from Atlanta to Clara's home in Cherry Hill NJ.  What a drive, but we humped it there arriving Friday afternoon to help clean the house to receive guests.

At that point, I was still kinda stunned by the whole thing and I just felt weary.  My head was really full of chatter about all kinds of things and I just couldn't get right about anything that was happening.  The distraction of my mind had me be very distracted with what I was going to wear.  All I had with me was white.  In tracking my "noticing" it was the moment that Clara walked in the room in white and said that not everyone knew yet but they can wear white with purple, exactly what I was about to put on, that I knew we were present inside of an alignment I was unaware of but knew I needed to be a part of.

We gathered on Saturday, August 11, 2012 in love to support our sister Clara and to say good bye to our brother Edwin.  It was a very moving tribute that had 292 of his Omega Psi Phi brothers show up in tribute to his life.  As well, his high school band played as we exited the church and at the cemetary.  The church was packed with all kinds of people from all of the parts of Edwin's life I didn't know about.

Summit family returning home from the Summit annual event, those living in the area plus those who traveled, all came together like NATO in response to a crisis!  Clara requested for us to share the Declaration and when we stood in front of that church, I saw our power.  It was an amazing demonstration of being able to notice moments and Be with what is in order to see when you are your vision fulfilled.  We are our visions fulfilled.  Some of us just don't get to always see that.  It's confirmed for those who loved us when we die but while alive, how many of us get a chance to know for sure?  The Conversation of the International Black Summit let's me know when I get present enough to notice.  Standing there sharing the Declaration, I saw it for Edwin, I heard it, I experienced it.  His journey is complete....He is his vision fulfilled...He has done his spiritual job toward his destiny!!!!  In that moment, I was proud and determined....

"What is available when I NOTICE my Trigger, BE with what is, and TRUST it provides me access to my vision fulfilled?"

Edwin was self-titled 'Captain of the Trigger team' on the Facilitator Body.  Many people shared how it was Edwin who was the "trigger" that brought them together or kept them together.  The award on the wall said: "Before there was Twitter or Facebook, there was Goldboot..."  Laughter usually erupted every time that story was shared.  I drove for 12+ hours, something I would have said was crazy otherwise.... Through that I Noticed: Triggers are neither negative nor positive, they are just triggers (paraphrase from Kung Fu Panda).  Releasing my attachment to the relationship I have with/to the trigger, provides me a deeper access to something I'm suppose to BE with.

Standing in front of that church, I experienced TRUST in so many things seen and unseen.  I was proud of us and how we came together in different stages of BE/ing with what is around our own relationships to death - the right people, in the right moment - to share the Declaration of the International Black Summit so those people could know that part of Edwin too.  We were powerful because the opportunity is available for everyone to know now.

Edwin was the trigger....I'm doing the work to notice the moments when I am My Vision Fulfilled.....

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

#TrenchLife


"Faith doesn't mean you believe you're gonna get your's so you sit around and wait for it. It means believe you will get your's because you're working towards it." - Garry Gallimore TrenchLife


"People can't read your thoughts, so thinking about making an effort is not good enough. The work you do will speak loud enough so those around will understand your purpose." -- TrenchLife















TrenchLife Suit Up and Go!


TrenchLife: The Product


TrenchLife - Generation!
"Your Dream Will Remain Dormant.  If you Awake From Your Rest And Continually Do Nothing Towards Making Your Dreams Reality." -- TrenchLife

Trenches ALL DAY!

"Dream it, Want it, Go Get It."

TrenchLife

PHX Camp 2012


Ottawa Phoenix Elite Summer Training Camp

"Our Team's Practice is your Team's Punishment"




"We get work done!"

Wednesday, June 06, 2012

Keynote Address - MOST (Making Ottawa Safe Together)

Engaging Black Youth (talking notes)

When I sat to put my talking notes together, I was very challenged to figure out exactly what I would say to you.  After all, how hard can it be to engage youth in general and black youth specifically?  It’s easy for me, so what’s the problem?

First, I have had almost 45 years of study about this, 20+ years of which I have been locked in a laboratory with daily intense study of the beast we speak of – the young adult and the teenager.  I work with youth but I study black youth with a special focus on the connection between strong cultural ties and academic confidence. 

So, perhaps I have an unfair advantage...

Someone might say that and that person may unfortunately be one of those adults who forgot that you can’t get to YOU without going through YOUth and I mean that literally and figuratively.

I know THIS because by working with black youth, I found ME!  I found my true calling in this world amidst the crazy, the chaos, the foolishness and the insane, I found ME and I’m blessed everyday I actively work to work myself out of a job. 

That’s right!  Work myself out of a job!  If I believe anything I say about the power that comes from engaged, self-actualized youth in a way that helps them empower themselves, then I should be shortly out of a job and happy to sit back and watch as they become the caretakers of the worlds they create.

If I’m not working to do that then I’m full of crap and I’m pimping youth just like a lot of other things in their day and I should not be trusted to be my word about anything I say therefore why engaging youth may be challenging. 

Adults think like adults and would be much better served to return to the head space we had before we became fearful and cynical about the possibilities of the world – innocent and naïve are powerful tools and a beautiful space for community innovation.  It prevents you from seeing the barriers that say you CAN NOT do something.  Possibility lives in that space.  One of our youth leaders use to describe it like a ball of twine.  When the energy was positive, she would say her ball of twine was growing.  As soon as doubt or negativity entered her consciousness, the ball of twine would begin to unravel.  How many times, as adults, do we allow our ball of twine to unravel because we’re afraid we can actually get from life the things we claim we want?

That’s also, interestly, why teenagers and young adults need Adults – to provide them the safe space to be their visions fulfilled while holding the space – literally and figuratively – until they have ALL their strength to stand up with that vision in the world for real.

I think my mother would say I was a different kind of kid.  I was certainly full of energy and I was very observant.  I almost never missed something.  It also meant that I noticed easily when things were foolish to the point I frequently needed corporal punishment in order for me to not say out loud what I noticed.  She would also certainly say that I was always laughing and for sure mischievous.  For sure though the one she would have to be forced to admit, is that I’ve never been very good with rules.  She might have accidently nurtured my natural sense of curiosity.  Although I may not have read a certain kind of book cover to cover until I was in my 20s, every year for Christmas, my parents would be give me two books – a book of facts and a Guinness Book of Records.  I was in my glory driving people crazy with loads of useless information you would only need to know if you were going on Jeopardy. 

As a result, I am the perfect collision of the time in history I was born and the place my parents were in their lives when I came around – young, recently married, community activists, new Canadians who came as students originally and entering into their adult public lives. 

My engagement in and with the youth IN me allows for me to say that “I AM AN ACTIVIST AND ADVOCATE HOLDING THE SPACE FOR YOUNG ADULTS TO CREATE THE WORLD THEY WANT TO LIVE IN.” 

I want to live in that kind of world and that’s why I/WE do what we do….

What do We DO?

I’m always challenged by this question too.  Whenever we are outside of black communities and/or our organization is announced, What do you do? is frequently the first question asked.  What does 3Dreads and a Baldhead do?  The answer is unofficially ANYTHING OUR PASSIONS GUIDE US TO DO but officially is says that 3Dreads and a Baldhead provides opportunities for people in black communities to transform their lives by maximizing their physical, mental, spiritual, and economic potential. 

I am the Founder and Opportunities Broker of 3Dreads and a Baldhead.  We give nothing to anyone.  We are each a representation of the opportunity available when you do the daily work that it takes to be your vision fulfilled.  The things we “DO” are just a manifestation of that overstanding.  The DOING/BEING/LIVING of the vision creates things:



Ottawa Phoenix Basketball – provides an opportunity to experience that vision through pressures of being in a competitive athletic program. In this context, excellence includes commitment to the physical and emotional well-being, and social development of student-athletes as well as to the development of their sense of citizenship, dedication to sportsmanship and fair play, the development of individual and team skills, the exertion of best effort, the will to win, and the general conduct that brings credit to the program and is a source of pride and enthusiasm for all members of the community.


The Be More Leadership Academy -- is a youth friendly space established for black youth by black youth to support the growth and development of their leadership capacity, personal development, mentoring and networking skills.  The leadership body of the Be More Academy is also 'response-able' for the facilitation and organization of the annual Black Youth Conference Day.





The Black Youth Conference -- is an annual event that gathers black youth together in order to engage them in a conversation, empowering them to be active participants in the discovery, manifestation, and articulation of their visions for themselves, Black communities, and the World.

BlackYouthaPalooza – is a unique networking event and the 2nd day of the Black Youth Conference.  The Be More Academy is showcased giving communities an opportunity to meet some of community’s best and brightest young adults: Art, academics, athletics, entertainment, poetry, business, ideas, possibility, and potential are just a few of the areas of passion for this unique group of young, gifted and black movers and shakers. 



The recently launched Men’s and Women’s Programs:

The Women’s Program -- A year long intergenerational conversation for women to gather in a holistic space of healing to dialog, clear, share life, exchange their passions and create vision; while developing the tools to capture the essence of who we are in relationship to self in being our vision fulfilled.

The Men’s Barbershop Conversation – A year long intergenerational conversation for men to engage in ongoing dialog, share life, exchange their passions and create vision; while developing the tools to capture the essence of who you are in relationship to self in being the physical, mental and spiritual self-expression of all that is powerful and abundant in being your vision fulfilled.


Current Community Partnerships include:

   YOUCAN




Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Celebrating Catherine!

The long weekend that kicks off the summer foolishness is complete along with adventures with the Coddett Family.  Holy crap, there are some interesting people in my Coddett branch of  family.  There is a clear line of activists, teachers, innovators, entrepreneurs, and community leaders.  I was completely enfolded to attend and the alignment was perfect once I noticed that I have been guided in my pursuits and passion by something that seems to be part of my DNA.  THe universe is leading me down a path that has been walked by many in my own family and gathered in their energy, I feel even more empowered to continue the work that has me be my vision fulfilled because it's more than what I do, It's what a Coddett does and has done.  Blessed to have that influence on both sides of my family making me the perfect collision of fortune.

It was even more wonderful especially for the main reason we all gathered in the first place which was in celebration of a phenomenal matriarch of our family.  Catherine Andrew is the 2nd eldest of my grandmother's siblings, my great aunt.  I have always known her to be a bigger than life kind of character.  When we were children, I use to remark at how big she physically was and in adulthood, I know that I was not only referring to her stature. For my whole life it seems, she's lived on Oak Street in Hempstead Long Island.  My parents' held their wedding reception at that house and I believe my father lived there just after he graduated from Howard and before he was married in 1965.  Much of what I know about her life has been told to me.  Born in British Guyana, she grew up in the States with two other siblings while my grandmother grew up in Guyana.  She has seven children - 1 daughter and 6 boys.  She was married to Albert, a longshoreman who clearly had a lot of adventures based on the stories he told when he was alive.  I was always intrigued by their marriage and what kind of character I made him up to be.

Her house was always a welcoming house, symbolized by the number of children and young adults she provided refuge to through foster parenting. Her life has been by no means perfect and seemingly she has managed many of life's challenges with the grace befitting of the title ELDER.  One of her sons called her his hero on Saturday.  The energy she emits is still powerful even at 90.

I remember when we were little, she would always call you 'baby doll' or 'puddin' or 'darling' when she called you.  It always made me feel special when she did that.  I heard a story from one of my students who told me the reaction of one of her friends to my calling them "darling".  She said her friend ran up to her and said, "OMG, Miss Coddett just called me darling!"  She replied, "she says that to everyone."  It was communicated that the student felt special the same way I use to when Aunt Catherine said it to me.

Although a lifelong battle with diabetes has reduced her large frame to one that is frail, her vision nearly gone, she is still larger than life.  She's still an inspiration for what it means to be woman and a person full of personality.  She's what it means to be family.  A Jehovah Witness by faith meant that she wasn't celebrating it, WE were!  Happy Birthday Aunt Catherine

Wednesday, March 28, 2012




We Are The Ones by Dwayne Morgan
posted by: Dwayne Morgan
We Are The Ones

To be a gift,
Born into this world male,
Packaged in black wrapping paper,
Is to be constantly reminded
That you are disposable,
That your life lacks meaning and value,
And isn’t protected by the law.
There is no pretty bow
Or designs on your packaging;
You live knowing that justice is a drunk
That will not be served.
We, the black gifts,
are the first to be accused
And the last to be believed.
We are the guilty until proven innocent,
The aggressor despite the evidence.
We are the hoops
For which loop holes are made;
The ones who fight daily
For their dignity.
We are the sambos,
The puppets,
Our worth based on the value
We bring our puppeteers,
So dance negro dance,
Rap black boy rap,
Run nigga run,
But what about those of us
Who are regular,
Who are average,
Who don’t have special talents
That society wants or loves,
We are just their packaging,
Bodies wrapped in black skin,
Stuck on modern day plantations
being abused at will,
And people wonder why we seldom smile,
And why it seems like our looks could kill.
We are the ones who put basket balls
In our sons’ palms
Before they can talk,
And only dribble,
With the hope that they will grow
To dribble beyond their packaging.
We are the ones that make elevators go quiet,
Purses and loved ones clenched tighter.
We are the deer that stare
at the barrel of guns,
But there is no license needed to hunt us.
I am the suspicious package
At the airport,
Or in any store with goods
That we aren’t supposed to be able to afford,
Whether I’m in a hoodie or a suit;
Accused of driving while black
In mini vans or coups.
We are the black licorice
discarded at Halloween,
The silhouette
used for target practice by the police.
We are the black men
Who want nothing more
Than to be Human,
With respect and dignity;
So this is for every Trayvon, Jaekwon,
Marcus, Jordan, Dwayne,
Every gift wrapped in black skin,
Considered a nigger
Despite having a name.
This is for everyone
who feels the pain of race,
for the empty seat
Beside a black man on the train.
We are the ones who cry constantly
When we see,
People being killed for no reason
Who look just like me.
We are the ones who meet death
On cold asphalt,
Discarded like road kill.
We are the ones;
Worthless gifts,
Packaged in black wrapping paper
That nobody wants.
We are the voiceless.
We are the ones.
@dwayne_morgan

These are my sons and I'm not losing any of them to bullshit! We stay focussed. We stay strong. We are PHX.
We are Trayvon!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

“To All” – A message from Troy Anthony Davis

If I could only make one statement, this would be it because I am Troy Davis and I am Free!
“To All” – A message from Troy Anthony Davis
Troy was found guilty of murdering a police officer 19 years ago, based upon the testimony of 9 witnesses. Today, 7 of those 9 have recanted their testimony entirely, and there are enormous problems with the testimony of the remaining 2 witness accounts. There is NO OTHER EVIDENCE. The murder weapon was never found. There is no DNA to test. Troy is scheduled to die by lethal injection on September 21, 2011.
September 10, 2011
To All:
I want to thank all of you for your efforts and dedication to Human Rights and Human Kindness, in the past year I have experienced such emotion, joy, sadness and never ending faith. It is because of all of you that I am alive today, as I look at my sister Martina I am marveled by the love she has for me and of course I worry about her and her health, but as she tells me she is the eldest and she will not back down from this fight to save my life and prove to the world that I am innocent of this terrible crime.
As I look at my mail from across the globe, from places I have never ever dreamed I would know about and people speaking languages and expressing cultures and religions I could only hope to one day see first hand. I am humbled by the emotion that fills my heart with overwhelming, overflowing Joy. I can’t even explain the insurgence of emotion I feel when I try to express the strength I draw from you all, it compounds my faith and it shows me yet again that this is not a case about the death penalty, this is not a case about Troy Davis, this is a case about Justice and the Human Spirit to see Justice prevail.
I cannot answer all of your letters but I do read them all, I cannot see you all but I can imagine your faces, I cannot hear you speak but your letters take me to the far reaches of the world, I cannot touch you physically but I feel your warmth everyday I exist.
So Thank you and remember I am in a place where execution can only destroy your physical form but because of my faith in God, my family and all of you I have been spiritually free for some time and no matter what happens in the days, weeks to come, this Movement to end the death penalty, to seek true justice, to expose a system that fails to protect the innocent must be accelerated. There are so many more Troy Davis’. This fight to end the death penalty is not won or lost through me but through our strength to move forward and save every innocent person in captivity around the globe. We need to dismantle this Unjust system city by city, state by state and country by country.
I can’t wait to Stand with you, no matter if that is in physical or spiritual form, I will one day be announcing,
“I AM TROY DAVIS, and I AM FREE!”
Never Stop Fighting for Justice and We will Win!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

My Journey to Redemption already has a song!

What more can someone write about Bob Marley?  I think every aspect of his life has been examined.  Every possibility behind every word of every song has already been observed.  I don't know if I would call myself a fan.  I am a follower.  In the end, no other person symbolizes the power of the musical word more greatly than Robert Nesta Marley.  Hard to believe that the world has been without his physically for 30 years because his music is still so prevalent.  He has a song to capture every emotion that could be felt by the disenfranchised.  He speaks my heart and mind while at the same time giving me hope that I have to power to transform.  His work speaks for itself and my love affair with one song will be a forever commitment to Redemption!  The poetry of its words are timeless!  The power of this song's sentiment shows me some thing new every time.  30 years is too long but just press and I'm right there, in the moment like when he performed it for the first time. 

Old pirates, yes, they rob I;
Sold I to the merchant ships,
Minutes after they took I
From the bottomless pit.
But my hand was made strong
By the hand of the Almighty.
We forward in this generation
Triumphantly.
Won't you help to sing
These songs of freedom?
'Cause all I ever have:
Redemption songs,
Redemption songs.

Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
None but ourselves can free our minds.
Have no fear for atomic energy,
'Cause none of them can stop the time.
How long shall they kill our prophets,
While we stand aside and look? Ooh!
Some say it's just a part of it:
We've got to fulfill the Book.

Won't you help to sing
These songs of freedom?
'Cause all I ever have:
Redemption songs,
Redemption songs,
Redemption songs.

Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
None but ourselves can free our mind.
Wo! Have no fear for atomic energy,
'Cause none of them-a can-a stop-a the time.
How long shall they kill our prophets,
While we stand aside and look?
Yes, some say it's just a part of it:
We've got to fulfill the book.
Won't you have to sing
These songs of freedom? -
'Cause all I ever had:
Redemption songs -
All I ever had:
Redemption songs:
These songs of freedom,
Songs of freedom.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

RACE's Ism!

For the past 2 days I've been triggered and stuck trying to figure out if there is a new way to deal with Race's Ism. Surely there must be an App for that! I mean, after all, we would prefer having an authentic conversation about dozens of other things than to speak about Race's Ism. In fact, there appears to be more comfort in talking about all forms of Ism except Race's Ism especially, seemingly, as it impacts black people specifically. No one wants to talk about that specifically. CNN, PBS and a few channels have engaged in dialogues like it were a plague of some type - BLACK, In America. Nothing though for Black In Canada. Shoot, during a Federal election, it doesn't even serve Jason Kenny's needs to cheat to gain black votes. No concerns there! When we do get together, WE even dance around the topic fearing accusations of pulling card belonging to Race's Ism or that you're angry and need to just finally get over it. I really wish I could see the world through 'Rose colored glasses' powerful enough to make me ignore the obvious too. Here's what I know: I AM NOT CRAZY!!

Everything I know and understand Race's Ism to be is so because it is my DAILY DEALING! Every single day, if I choose, I can find results, consequences, repercussions, reasons, justifications, examples, case studies, experiments of Race's Ism. I can examine every part of my existence in relationship to Race's Ism. I mean, I got some real questions I can never answer: how come people who aren't black seem to not see enough to notice it as easily as I do? How come only certain people are agitated enough to no longer sit ideally by while it occurs to another generation?

Loaded language, required code switching to survive in a world that does not fit, never fully being with any of it because so much of who I am is wrapped up in my Race's Ism and it's like getting murdered by ducks everyday that I can't authentically express my upsets.

How can they claim to not notice? How can they not see the missing? How can they not see me? How? How? How is it possible?

To always be invisible is the worst kind of murder to the spirit. It's like living in a kind of purgatory - not living or dead, not supported only feared, not loved only hated, not a contribution only a consumer, not important always an after thought, not given and always fighting, examined but never studied, assumed never known, guessing never sure, careful never confident, pretending never real, passed over never chosen, kicked and expected to stay down!

In the face of it all, I can stand in this upset causing myself a high level of distraction from what really BEES going on! I can whip myself into a paralyzing frenzy but that would BE crazy. What I know is WE are still here, still working toward a better possibility for OURSELVES and for everyone just like the generations before us. We are the greatest "multiculturalists", "integrationists" and surely the most optimistic race of people in the whole world and we get it done everyday in the face of RACE's Ism!


"Justice is what LOVE looks like in Public" - Cornel West
Sent with Love from my Crackberry!

Friday, March 11, 2011

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings!

The free bird leaps on the back
of the wind and floats downstream
Till the current ends and dips his wing
In the orange sun rays
And dares to claim the sky.

But a BIRD that stalks down his narrow cage
Can seldom see through his bars of rage
His wings are clipped and His feet are tied
So he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with fearful trill
Of things unknown but longed for still
And his tune is heard on the distant hill for the caged bird
Sings of freedom

The free bird thinks of another breeze
And the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
And the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn
And he names the sky his own.

But a caged BIRD stands on the grave of dreams
His shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
His wings are clipped and his feet are tied
So he opens his throat to sing

The caged bird sings
With a fearful trill
Of things unknown
But longed for still
And his tune is heard
On the distant hill
For the caged bird
Sings of freedom!

Maya Angelou

In my early years of teaching law, I used this poem to help students understand the impact of incarceration. Some years they got it. Some years they didn't. For me, this poem has always intrigued me. What are the cages we have created for ourselves that have kept us from being FREE?

During this month long celebration known as Black History month, I had an opportunity to spend the day with brothers at Collins Bay Penitentiary in Kingston Ontario. Collins Bay is a medium security institution and just like the other 6 in the area, it too has a large population of black inmates.

As a request to do something more impacting then they did last yr for BHM, I was invited to speak by the Black Inmates Association through YouCan's Peacebuilders Program for Prisons (This training program has helped inmates incorporate conflict resolution skills into their lives and into their relationships. This 8 module program runs for 5 weeks and those inmates that complete all eight get a certificate from Saint Paul University worth 3 credits towards a Bachelors. Degree).

The moment you walk in, you know why the cage bird sings. It is the caged bird who knows what freedom really is. It is the caged bird who behind the walls has the bars as a daily reminder of All he didn't do to be free when he had a chance. Probably the biggest of all the crimes he's ever committed.

Only the caged bird can sing a song of freedom all while dealing with all life's frustration, never getting to put theoretical overstandings of freedom to practical use. Only the caged bird lives knowing that if he was ever given another chance, he would make it work. Only the caged bird lives in fear of all that will be created to tempt him right back into the cage. The caged bird knows all who have forgotten him. Only the caged bird knows that potential has a shelf life.

On the two hour drive, I couldn't help but notice how many 'self storage' businesses have popped up all over the city. Why would I need a storage unit when I have a home? Got it, to store the things I no longer have a use for but have not figured out what I'm going to do with yet.

Prisons are 'self storage' units, warehousing those who don't fit the PLAN!

Sitting in front a almost 100 black men, my mind drifted to dreams of 'what if'. What if some of these guys didn't hate the world? What if some of them had their talents and potential nurtured. What if they figured out earlier they had a talent? What if the result of a poor choice didn't have such dire consequences? What if this place wasn't full of some our strongest men? What if what I have to say to them is all bullshit because really, I'm overwhelmed and don't know what to say? What if my judgments for these men aren't any different then anyone else in world? What if....

So many things that day were not like they were assumed to be. First, I was an invited guest and treated like that by every single person I met. The connections, that were meaningful, received immediate feedback. Some of them seemed to just want to share a word. One brother walked up to me to introduce himself. He said: "In your talk you mentioned Grenada and Nigeria. My mom is from Grenada and my pop's is Nigerian.". Got it. He just wanted to tell me that. Another, "your family is Guyanese. Me too!"

It was too simple. Too easy to just glide in there and feel comfortable to speak into spaces things never spoken before or things frequently repeated.

Maybe I am just like the others feeling like on that one day, what I had to say would change the lives of all of them and then they'd be free.

But the caged bird knows! Freedom isn't easy. It's not neat and clean. And it's not going to come find you. Sometimes looking for it will kill you.

The Black Inmates Association of Collins Bay Penitentiary are as free behind the bars as they were outside the walls. The jail created for them holds us ALL. I walked out that day but part of me was left there to wonder how easily that could have been ME.

When all energy was nearly drained. I had shared with as many as I could share with. The last brother I spoke to, 28 yrs old, gorgeously tall and standing confidently. He is the head of the Muslim brother's Association. I asked nothing about a single crime only how long they were going to be there. All answers before his, hit me just fine. His answer, "LIFE!", shook me until now! In Canada, that means 25 yrs. When I returned to my law class the next day, I asked students to do the math, 28+25=53. 53 yrs old!? That aint no way to live. So, the caged bird sings!


Sent with Love from my Crackberry devise.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Privacy's Last Stand!


In my world there is only one place left where I can claim complete privacy - the shower!

Some people I informally surveyed said the toilet but that doesn't work. There are actually people who aren't even deterred from entering while you're sitting on the john.

The shower! It's the last place. If you shower with someone it's because you invited them in to share your world. Otherwise, behind the cover of a thin shower curtain, ultimate privacy! That thin barrier is literally the difference between your secrets being kept or fully exposed. There is nothing to hide from in the shower. Dirt don't kill unless it falls from above so even the task of showering provides few challenges. Some people have a collection of things that they deem necessary for showering but otherwise, by now, I think I got a routine to this daily chore - just me, a bar of soap and my loofa!

There you are standing in your nakedness, fully naked! Cleansing all your secret locations, preparing your mind and spirit for the day or evening, washing away your past in order to prepare for what is to come all while standing there BEING with what IS!

I linger after my cleansing routine because only I know the true effort it will take to pull that curtain back and face the day.

As I inhale the last moments of hot steam, there is cold world waiting to greet me on the other side. Bracing myself, I take one last drenching in the heat of the water hoping its warmth will last long enough for me to grab the towel that is feet away.

There is no Facebook for Showers or Twitter for Bathers. Don't have a water proof Crackberry. The shower has no camera (unless you put one there). Even Reality TV hasn't created a show 'From the Shower'. I go in with nothing and come out the same way. I only have a moment but those few moments represent an important grounding to my day. Only I can stand there in it, contemplating, preparing, thinking, meditating, pondering, wondering about my life. I can even utter the ridiculous and absurd, the thoughtful and insightful, the dream of the impossible into to the safety of the flowing waters coming out of the massage of the WaterPik. Can't hide there for long in the warmth of the water. Even that eventually runs out of steam. Privacy's Last Stand: an oasis in the middle of my mind chaos.


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Tuesday, December 14, 2010

For Colored Girls!


Afua -- I remember exactly where I was when I heard that the Ntozake Shange's classic for colored girls who have considered suicide/when the rainbow Is enuf was being made into a movie. My first thought was, "Oh Lawd! PLEASE DON'T RUIN IT!" I mean I think I'm still mad about Zora Neale Hurston's Their Eyes Were Watching God. Unlike some of my friends, I was not a reader when I was younger so this was not a book that influenced my youth. Those were the days when I was too stupid to know I was able to save myself in the pages of a book. It would be a book that I found in my 20s only to discover how much I had missed. At least that was my judgment about it at the time.

Welcome to the second chance at love I call it. The second chance to discover the magic of the written word. To get into the head of not only the author but the heads of the characters she or he created. The satisfaction that comes from the progress of turning pages and the sense of accomplishment that results from the book being completed. Once you have enjoyed it, it is passed on to be enjoyed by another person. A gift that keeps giving no matter how many years have passed. It truly is magic to me.

Well, this one has a lot of conversation associated with it don't it? Last year, I remember when I put Precious on my classroom bulletin board as the book of the month. Almost every young lady in my senior Canadian Family class was walking around with book in tow. Although I can't claim to be a fan, I was impressed with READING! Yes, young people do read! I know that we often times think they are so caught up with Facebook, Tweeting, Txting, Sxting, and other pursuits to care less about reading. I mean, 3Dreads and a Baldhead started our "An Evening with....." Literary Series after being inspired by a young woman (Romy Mbuyamba) who was reading Satisfy My Soul by Colin Channer. I've always therefore been struck by why we adults don't take more opportunity to find ways and things to read WITH young people. Not only for ourselves but to share with someone of another generation. Inter-generational reading! Many of us do - Harry Potter, Twilight Series for example.

While hanging out with Itah Sadu, owner of A Different Booklist located in Toronto, I overheard her telling a patron that many young woman like books by E. Lynn Harris, Zane, Eric Jerome Dickey - books some of us would say have an erotica slant that many of us didn't discover until we were in our 30s (I remember the summer of Eric Jerome Dickey's first 5 books when it seemed like every black woman I knew was reading one of them). The person seemed surprised to hear that.

There is a pedagogy that claims READ SOMETHING, ANYTHING is better than NOTHING. Well folks, they are reading!

I therefore see a great opportunity to get the best of many worlds again and with this book. If there is a movie to a book, see movie and read book. If there is a movie to a book that is directed by Tyler Perry, you better see the movie and read the book! If there is a movie to a classic book that is directed by Tyler Perry, you better find a young person see the movie with them and read the book with them! I mean we could complain about how he's off the mark (or not) but that would be a conversation for one generation without the other generation knowing what's up. Sharing prospective is called for! I admit that I don't believe people who haven't read the book would be able to answer the discussion question in the book:
"How does 'dark phrases', the opening poem of for colored girls, evoke the psychological states of the many narrators of the work in these lines.....?"
The solution for me to share a prospective with another young woman so she can get more from the experience and so can I.

The young woman I chose to do this with is Stephanie. She has been a student at my school for 2 and a half years now. She is one of my Fugees. She is from the United States, of Haitian ancestry, and a senior student about to graduate. I am so excited to be doing this with her. We will be blogging our experience together and it starts NOW!

Stephanie -- I'm also looking forward to this opportunity and experience to read and be able to talk about the book. It wasn't until the movie came out and you told me about the book that I found out about it. After hearing your opinion about the movie vs the book I wanted to watch the movie and read the book just to see if the book is really better than the movie.

After having seen the movie and thought that it was the most powerful film I've ever seen therefore if it wasn't anything close to being as good as the book then I just can't wait to read it.

Yesterday( 13/12/2010) was the first day I've felt, received and started reading the book. To begin with it's clear that this is no ordinary book because it's dedicated to us (Black Women) and the way it start isn't like most books. Ntozake Shange starts off the book by telling us how she wrote the stories and how she came up with the characters. This is the first African American play I've read and also first choreopoem book I've read therefore to have this opportunity is destiny playing its role in my life!

Thursday, December 09, 2010

I stopped combing my mind so my thoughts would Loc!

Is it possible to have too many ideas? I thought the answer was yes. Especially yes, when my mind could no longer hold them all. They dance in my head like a Zumba class. They appear to me like thought bubbles and just like an MTV Pop Up video, I sometimes can't complete reading the thought bubble before another one pops up and distracts me from the previous one. For the longest time I thought I suffered from some kind of disorder, like some thing was very wrong with me. I mean really, who the hell just comes up with idea after idea after idea? What kinda skill is that? Some thing had to be wrong with me.

Because I thought it was some thing to be 'wrong' about, I tried all kinds of things to make it stop. Maybe if I get drunk enough or high enough, it would stop. But it never did. Then I tried to ignore it. Is it possible to ignore the Closed Captioning while watching a tv show? Exactly! Sometimes it is but sometimes there you are reading the damn tv show. Then I tried to swing the pendulum in the other direction. Maybe if I were just airy fairy, people would only request ideas from me and I would be able to vomit them out one by one like an Ideas Factory. That didn't work because people want ideas to also be implemented, not necessarily the area for the Ideas Generator. Damn!

"I stopped combing my mind so my thoughts would Loc!" Now I can look some where else instead of looking in my mind. My mind is full of tricks and deceptions - a true mindfield. I look therefore to my heart. Looking in my mind for my freedom means that I miss the source of the idea. It's not in my mind, it's in my heart. I comes from my vision for myself and my World. Wicked, so I'm not a freak. I am unique. My mind grows it and my heart feeds it. I am an Ideas Farmer looking for a matching opportunity where my idea can live and grow! Just like the Locs that grow on my head, my ideas continue to grow because my heart is full of love for myself, my communities and all communities! One year my friends set out to count the locs on my head. I've never committed to memory the number they came to but it was a lot. If that's what's happening on the outside, then it is a reflection of the inside but not the inside of my head, it is the inside of my heart. That's why I stopped combing it!

Friday, October 01, 2010

MY Little Peace and Piece of Paradise!

TWEET @ 7am October 1st, 2010: 3yrs ago today! Wow, how time flies. The first time I saw you, I was in love. As soon as you opened your door, I knew I was HOME! Thk you!

October 1st is the day I became a REAL adult, a REAL Canadian. It was a day I never imagined happening but I wanted it to. I love my little house, warts and all. For the past 3yrs, it has brought me much needed peace and refuge from the world. The space always comforts me hugging me like a warm duvet sheltering me and keeping me safe. I've found that spot in the world where whatever ME I choose to be, it's perfectly acceptable - NO JUDGEMENT lives there. Even though you may not end up being my only, I know I will always hold a special place for my 1st love.

I wouldn't trade a moment I've spent with you these last 3yrs. According to the bank, we have many many many more days to spend together. I look forward to discovering more about you as I continue to shape and mold you into the reflection you are of ME!

Happy Birthday to ME and MY HOME!
"Be With What Is"
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Sunday, September 26, 2010

The Making of an African-American Family


This past weekend I had the absolutely great experience of the annual Rockrun Family Reunion. The journey from Atlanta meant I visited 5 states in 3 days, taking me through the more historic areas of the South. This provides the backdrop for the weekend's cultural sojourn.

This trip is centred around my friend Susan's family - The Sheltons!

Rockrun Virginia is small town that even the residents would call 'country'. Dotted across its landscape are small houses on large plots of former plantation land which are the historic homes of four generations of powerful people who continue to demonstrate to their children that they come from a rich history - FAMILY!

Rumour has it that African Americans lack two main things: a culture and family cohesion. To believe that would make you truly incorrect. What I experienced in Rockrun has left me feeling the same sense of hope that comes from the rise of a people determined to thrive from their simple country roots.

Tucked in a middle of a state park we listened to classic R&B, ate fillet of Whiting (my personal favourite), corn on the cob, pork chops, cole slaw, potato salad, souce, Rockrun hotdogs, ribs, broccoli casserole, and sweet tea!
I met elders and young adults, some whom traveled from as far as Maryland, to be at the reunion of Rockrun. I watched high school chums reunite, high school sweet-hearts, former teammates, high school rivals all come together to add to the foundation that brings them back year after year.

What these families have established for themselves and their children seems so simple. Maybe because Rockrun is a small town, they grew and expanded as a community that seemingly has managed to do what some observers would claim to be challenging for the black family - maintain a sense of family and community against the odds of other competing forces. Not just families live in Rockrun, successful black families.

Success is a judgment based on an expectation that is not always fair. By whatever means success can be measured, Rockrun is a successful community. I'm sure a few more days would have allowed me a chance to see more than the pretty side. That exists in Rockrun too. I am measuring this community's success by the sights and sounds I experienced this weekend. The adults I met, many of whom attended the dozens of colleges and universities in the area - Winston Salem State, Old Dominion, Virginia Commonwealth, Virginia Tech, John C. Smith, Virginia State, and UNC Greensboro or Charlotte to name a few, have carried Rockrun in their hearts to other ventures that have taken them away. 3 generations of college/university educations! At a time when America is seeking to reform education, pretty impressive.

The children of the children of the children have done well, and on this weekend next year, they will be back again to share their lives with each other. They will bring their children who will continue to bring their children.

In the end, Rockrun is home! Rockrun is where they return every year to reconnect and ground themselves is life's simple overstandings - nothing after all is more important than family, friends and overstanding of where and what you come from. They are from Rockrun and they aint never running away from that!

Big up to The Sheltons! Thank you for being so welcoming such that I could experience a small part of the rich diversity that IS African-American culture. More importantly, too me, it's strong and something to truly be proud of!
"Be With What Is"
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Sunday, August 22, 2010

How I Became Guyanese!

How I became Guyanese!
(Speech for the 43rd Anniversary of the Guyana Cultural Association of Montreal)

When I first received the invitation to speak here tonight, I thought to myself, what do I really have to contribute to this event? I can't imagine what I could have to say that people would want to hear as part of a celebration for this organization.

I sat with the idea some more and it came to me. I'm going to talk to you about How I Became Guyanese.

I am the granddaughter of Cyril and Evelyn de Jonge and Randolph and Sarah Joyce Coddett. I am the first born daughter of Randolph Coddett and Yvonne de Jonge, All of New Amsterdam, Guyana. I didn't know my maternal grandparents well, and my paternal Grandfather died before I was born. My paternal grandmother, Joyce Coddett, was the matiarch of our family and the Guyana I knew came in the form of food and arts and crafts. Childhood Saturdays were spent at craft sales all over the city. I remember her saying once that she had made over 1000 black cakes for weddings. The Guyana I knew would become a collection of colourful characters, stories and experiences. That's how I learned to be Guyanese.

My being born here has been said by my friends to only be an accident. I am born out of the greatest generation to have ever left the shores of the Caribbean at a time of Black Power and Black consciousness. A promised land that seduced its dreamers into thinking all would be wonderful for them and their children. All they would have to do is work hard! After all, we know about working hard!

My parent's move to Canada didn't necessarily make it easy for their children to grow up Canadian. I was joking with some American friends just 2 weeks ago about how crazy growing up in Canada really is.

My first challenge growing up in the 1970s was trying to figure out who the hell I was. It was really obvious growing up on a street with only 2 black families that I was black. I was the first black student at my elementary school and I'm sure I still hold the record for the most number of ass whoopin's given in a single recess!

This is the first phase of growing up in Canada as the child of parents from Guyana. And my growing up Canadian of Guyanese parents had some challenges.

3 months before my birth, my parents moved to Ottawa. I guess the Federal govt came knocking and my dad answered. My mother was still a student in those days so my early years were spent between our Jamaican neighbours babysitting and the other foreign students at the university. By the time I was about 10 years old, my parents opened a business in Ottawa. In the early years, that business was a central gathering place - an unofficial community centre. When I think about it, it became my earliest school of Caribbean Understandings!

When I'd return to school on Mondays I was immediately aware that my weekends weren't like other kids. In my house, men cooked unlike the conversations my white friends had about their father's. In my house, anyone over 18 was referred to as Auntie or Uncle and they didn't have to be a brother or sister of your mother or father. In fact, I wouldn't learn the "real" names of some of my father's friends until I was grown so Uncle Snowbees, Uncle Salty, Uncle Jamesy and Aunt Pinkie seemed normal.

This is how I developed the "It was fine" response to the "How was your weekend?" question at work. I knew it wasn't normal to have all of those brothers and sisters!

I was a master of the Guyanese understanding of children are seen and not heard. I learned by watching my sister getting kicked out of the room for "being people mouth", that observation was key. Even the Gibberish my grandmother and mother use to speak could not hold me back from unlocking the secrets of Guyanese Ole Talk! In fact, once I figured out the "whoopon dupon" of Gibberish, they both stopped speaking it.

I was still very young when, in my mind, I had decided that I wanted to have the ability to sit for hours while consuming large amounts alcohol to talk as much nonsense as I had experienced my parents and their friends talking!

That after all has got to be what it means to be Guyanese! Stories about Common entrance exams, Queens College, station masters, backdamn trenches, kite flying, school sports, Mashramani, Christmas time, the Sea Wall, Anti men, Dig and Sniff, Jumbie, marabonta, egg and spoon races, running on grass barefoot, and some of de best cussin' I have ever heard, started dancing in my head!!!!!!!!

I want to be like that! Quote from Shakespeare while at the same as I giving dem Love in a game in dominos.

By the time I was in high school, I had proper fuel for the fire. For the first time, there were other black students at school. I still was different though. Most of those students had come to Canada to rejoin a parent or family they hadn't grown up with. Breaking into that group was going to be tricky. I was a spy though. Born in Canada with the wits of a West Indian!
There were very few Guyanese children at school but what all Caribbean students at Gloucester High school shared with me was how we balanced our worlds. We are supposed to be Canadian but nothing in our day told us what that looked like. Being like the other Caribbean students was a challenge because I didn't have the same experience. My parents would say, "You're Canadian." And I would reply, "No, I'm Guyanese." Then they would say, "You were born here, so you're Canadian!" WHAT A PIECE OF CONFUSION!

On Friday afternoons, when you got home from school, you would hit the door and there would be that all familiar sound <<<shhshshshsh>>> Pressure Cooker! Cook up rice, black puddin, pepper pot, Meta Gee, salt fish, chow mein, sows, rollie pollie. These are things you could not describe to white people.

"Last night we had salfish and bora!"

After 16, I became the designated driver for Friday night adventures with my dad. Those experiences would serve me well later in life when trying to figure out the male psyche.

Slightly more mature, I started a new phase of my understanding - the politics of being Guyanese. I learned about Walter Rodney, Ivan Van Sertima, the Essequibo having 150 islands, the Kaieteur Falls, Cuffy, E.R Braithwaite, Eddy Grant, CCH Pounder, Grace Nichols, Cheddi Jagan and Forbes Burnham, gold and bauxite. I wanted to go to see the place for myself. I had gone before but not as a teenager.

By the time I was a 21 yr old Freshman at Howard University, I was perfectly trained. I was living with my Guyanese cousin, I was a card carrying member of the Caribbean Students Association, and I was honing my skills as a master of Ole Talk!(By the big tree on main campus) I was known to my track and field teammates as the person most likely to find a West Indian and Rice and peas no matter where we traveled.

In my adulthood I have traveled to many parts of the Caribbean and I fashion myself into whatever local behaviour is appropriate. I have yet to explore the country of my parents' birth. I guess I'm not quite ready yet. When I do go, I look forward to helping my parents reconnect to the Guyana of today. The Guyana where 2 of my classmates from Howard returned to start a system of pay phones for Georgetown. A Guyana described on the Discovery Channel as one of the last untouched places for echo-tourism. A Guyana I experienced through my niece who lived there for 5 years. A Guyana that one of my former students traveled to during Carifesta in 2008. She shared nearly 700 pictures of one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen in the world and I have traveled the world. A Guyana that has many challenges but still can generate a proud people who have bent but never been broken. A Guyana that can be held nostalgically but needs to tap into the thinking of another generation.

The Guyana we celebrate this evening.

The Guyana that is in each of US!

Raise your glass! Repeat after me - I AM GUYANESE!

My name is Adrienne Coddett and I am Guyanese!!
Action > Apathy, I am Greater Than Aids
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