I remember when I bought my first car, a Mazda 626. In the early days of owning that vehicle, it was great. After years of neglect, I justified continuing to neglect it because it got me to and from work everyday. There was a stretch where I had even developed a plan for it's break down. I carried a wrench in the glove box in case I broke down. I would simply take my license plates and step away from the vehicle, leaving it wherever, just abandoned. It was all good. I suppose even to treat a car that way is wrong but to treat my body that way was a lot more challenging.
I could no longer function at the pace and routine of a body that feeling like it was at 20% while I acted like it was 100%.
I finally went to the doctor when I could no longer fool myself. When Priscilla came in the examination room with my tests she had that look on her face that makes many not go to the doctor in the first place - a look of deep concern. She leapt into action and I quickly discovered that I had done myself a great injustice by letting my feelings of illness fester for as long as I did.
Ok, I'm sick again. Ok, I'm committing to being well for real. What do I need to do now was what I kept telling myself. I put a lot of work into wellness preparation.
Last year at this exact time, I lay outside operating room #13 perfectly content and happy with my world and ready for alignment of my mind, my spirit and body such that wellness could fully manifest itself. When Dr. Singh said, "Have a good sleep Adrienne", I said to him, "Do good work, I'm important to a lot of people" and I have lots still to do. I was communicating in words the energy I was getting from everyone in my world who provided the motivation for me to release and let go of fear, anger, pain, uncertainty, upset, sorrow, or any other negative energy such that my body could be reborn and step confidently into wellness. I really felt it and I smiled and I closed my eyes. I was right in front of a clock.
When I opened my eyes I smiled and then laughed my way into a new understanding for this new model of body. Not quite the svelte figure of my youth, a few dings here and there, a few rolls but something I could work with. Don't get me wrong, I was in pain but my spirit was happy to feel better and to be able to do more.
Thank you to everyone. It has been a wonderful year. I've been to wonderful places, seen so many new things, had so many new experiences, met some awesome people, gotten know some people that much better. Things that I never could not have done if it weren't for the support you gave to me.
This is also my love letter to my new body. Your not perfect but you're mine and I really like you. You make no apology for not being able to run a 100m in under 12.5 but you can still run a 100m. Your extra roundness provides the proper cushion for showing a young man that he's not quite ready for the NBA and you are the new clay I shape and mold now. You may not be bikini ready but you're not going to make TMZ if you do wear one. You are body beautiful to me and I love your spirit. Go on girl. P90x awaits you. Here's to you - the new ship that rocks this ocean! Holla at a sister when you need something and I'll come running!
Action > Apathy, I am Greater Than Aids
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